Vicious Cycle

Usually I like to write about happy things, but this morning on t.v. I saw on Channel 9 where a lady was receiving an award for helping persons who were in abusive situations.  Yesterday, I spoke with a friend about a friend of hers who was being abused by her husband. I recalled in the late 1980's, when I was employed at a legal aid office and my clients were battered women.  Women came to see me with black eyes, bruises, broken limbs,or completely beaten down by life.  As a paralegal, I would interview the women, and sometimes men, and try to convince them to leave the abusive situation.  Some did leave, yet others repeatedly returned to their batterers.  Statistics show that before a person can leave a horrible relationship, it takes about seven attempts. I learned the progression of a batterer:  verbal abuse by nasty name calling; shoving or pushing; striking; and finally killing. The following is a poem I wrote showing what can happen in those abusive situations.

Vicious Cycle

Anger erupts,
spurting
into loud voices,
shouting,
threats,
insults,
put-downs
and frowns.

A tap,
a shove,
a slap
and then,
"I don't know what got into me.
It will never happen again.
Please forgive me.
I love you.
I'm so sorry."

A stormy night,
another fight,
a loud shout,
a fist swings out.
Red rashes,
blood splashes,
police arrive
and she will survive.
"I don't know what got into me.
It will never happen again.
Please, forgive me.
I love you.
I am so sorry."

Flowers,
candy,
words of love,
until the next shove.
Yanking,
striking,
beating,
there's no retreating.
Smack after smack,
a kick at her back.
Pointing a finger at her head
he yells, "Bitch, you're dead!"

Cuts,
lumps,
bruises
purple, yellow, green.
Will she now believe he is mean?
A kiss,
a hug and
"I don't know what got into me.
I'm so sorry.
It will never happen again.
Please forgive me.
I love you."

A week
or two
possibly three
She begins to feel free.
There's no abuse.
Lots of happiness,
tenderness,
love
and then he strikes again.

Phone disconnected so she can't call.
He bashes her head against a wall.
He rips off her coat,
places his hands on her throat.
Across the room she flies
realizing he's been telling her lies.
She crashes through a window of glass
landing eight stories down
on a patch of grass.

"I am so sorry," he sobs. 
I don't know what got into me.
I never meant to hurt you.
Please forgive me."
As the casket is lowered
so very slowly.

E. Moscoso
September 6, 1991


The advice I would give clients was to have a safety plan.  In a safe location, they should hide an extra set of home/car keys, extra money, important documents like bank accounts, insurance policies, driver's license, birth certificate, social security number, shelter phone numbers and a small bag with extra clothing.  If a quick get away would be needed all the important items would be in a handy place. 

I thought that domestic violence would have been eradicated from when I worked with battered women to now, but from what I read in the newspapers or see on television, nothing seems to have changed.