I am Catholic and was raised a Catholic, yet my religion remains a mystery to me. I see other devout souls and wonder how they are able to have such faith and I wonder how they can believe
wholeheartedly in their faith. Every time at the consecration at mass, I pray for God to let me believe what I have been told and not have any doubts. I want to believe that the transformation from bread and wine is turned into the body and blood of Jesus at the consecration of the mass. Wouldn't we fall to our knees in front of the host if we truly believed? After all, we are taught to believe that after the consecration Christ is before us.
Last Sunday, after receiving the host, I went back to my seat and bowed my head as I have always done when I receive the body and blood of Christ. I do this every time I receive the host and as usual I thanked God and apologized for not being the person he wants me to be. Then a thought entered my mind. I knew, for a fact that Christ was within me! Whatever went on at the altar did not mean that much to me, but after receiving the host, I knew. Christ was within me dwelling in my soul. I apologized for not having a 100% clean soul for His visit and asked that he help me become a better person. I told him how sorry I am not to understand as He probably wants me to understand but with His help I know that I can become a better person.
Even though I have had doubts, when I receive the host I know Christ is within me. I wonder if this is enough, knowing that Christ is dwelling within me. Does this mean I now truly believe? Or is there more? A few years ago I wrote a poem and I will re post it again because it sort of relates to this blog.
A Home For The Master Builder
With lots of love the Master Builder built a house.
He formed the perfect house; clean and spotless, in and out.
Yet, without a doubt it didn't take long for the house
to become cluttered; a dirty mess.
The house became dirty and stained, I must confess.
Any one seeing the house from the outside
would say it looked beautiful and great.
But inside the house accumulated dust and dirt.
One day, the Master Builder decided to visit the house that he had built.
In a panic, a little corner of the house was swept and cleaned
to await the coming of the Master Builder.
The rest of the house remained untidy
and no matter what was done it would not get clean.
The Visitor arrived, resting in the area that did gleam,
the area that had been scrubbed and was now clean.
He continued to return on other visits
and to my surprise cleanliness began to spread.
With each visit the house became tidier and it did not take long for the
house to become a place of welcome for the Master Builder.
How strange it was that those little visits from the Master Builder
caused the dirt to disappear from front to rear.
Now the house was clean and full of cheer.
He had been patient for he knew his visits would
have the house looking like new.
The house that He had built, had passed the test
and the Master Builder could now relax
and enjoy His rest in His spotless home.
E. Moscoso
June 25, 2015
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