A Friend That Will Never Be Forgotten

My Friend

The beginning

was

purely

two-stepping

graduating to

cheek to cheek

with

laughter and

understanding

woven

into

cha-cha-cha's,

waltzes

and spins.

A band

connected

us

like an

invisible chord

never to

be broken

or

ended.

United

forever

in

everlasting

friendship.

E. Moscoso
February 14, 1986

He had been a widower for nine years when I met him in 1981 at a church social. When he asked me to dance I was pleased that he was an excellent dancer. Before long, we were going to many big band dances. He became my ballroom dance partner and could gracefully lead me through steps I did not know. Compliments from other dancers made me feel good. He was tall and lanky and reminded me of Fred Astaire.

My Friend, Ray

We spoke on the phone two or three times a day, he was the last person I said good-night to, and he was there for me if I ever needed him. Kind, understanding, great sense of humor, generous with his time, an interesting conversationalist, and a patient listener were adjectives that fit  him well.  He was a gentleman who liked opening doors, who grasped my arm as we crossed a street, and never used foul language even though he had been in the Navy.

During the time I knew him, I had three other dance partners and I was dancing about five nights a week.  He would meet my other male friends and critique them by letting me know if they were suitable to be my friends.  During my menopausal years, I could not have made it without him.  No matter what time I called him with my travails, he listened and comforted me.  Told me what I was going through was normal and would give me examples of when his wife had gone through the same thing. If I told him I thought I was losing my mind he calmly assured me I wasn't.  If I was crying and sobbing into the phone, he gently told me what a wonderful person I was and listed all the good things about me which always made me feel better!

Now that I think back on our friendship, I believe he wanted to make me happy. Once we were going to a dance and as he closed my car door and walked around to his side, he disappeared. I looked around but could not see him so I got out of the car and found him on the sidewalk. He had tripped  on a rock.  I helped him up and we continued to the dance.  We spun, whirled, dipped, and flew around the dance floor. I enjoyed myself until I thought I saw him wince.  I asked him why he had made a grimace and he said, "Oh, nothing, my ankle gave me a pang." We sat down and I saw why....his ankle was three times its normal size. I felt terrible that he had been dancing on his hurt ankle to please me. I could only imagine the pain he must have felt as we danced!

I knew he was not well when I met him.  He told me he had pancreatitis but it never seemed to slow him down.  In 1998 I did notice he no longer seemed as enthusiastic about life.  He told me he was in pain with fibromyalgia, his pancreas bothered him and he began staying home.  I would stop and pick up food for him after I got off of work. I ran errands for him.  He would give me a grocery list and I shopped for him.  When he went into St. John's Hospice I visited daily and even then he had a sense of humor, teasing me as if nothing was wrong.

My Silly Friend

He passed away August 11, 1998 and I lost my good friend.  I had a sense of security and a feeling of comfort with him in my life. I often think of him in heaven leading angels through difficult dance moves!

Life Without Ray

What will I do when he leaves on his long trip away from me?

Every time I want to chat, every time I need to talk, every time I need a hug or

every time I need a friend.

What will I do?

A welding of friendship molded into companionship structured into a unity

known only to good friends.

A phone line away and he was there. A short drive and he was there.

A short step and he was there.

Now he was leaving. Going away.

He would live in my heart, in my mind, or in my thoughts.

I can't quite grasp what it will be like once he is gone

to play with the angels

to tease the angels

to be rid of all his pain

to join his wife

to  leave me alone to miss him and to be unable to call him and tell him I miss him.

For seventeen years

he has been my listener,

my confidant,

my advisor,

the person that kept me walking in a straight line.

The person that gave stability to my life.

Once he is gone there will be a void in my life,

an emptiness, a hole in my heart, an aloneness, once he is gone.

Where will a friendship like this ever be found again?

Friends like this are few,
and I know that no one can replace my friend,

Raymond Joseph McHugh.

E. Moscoso

August 11, 1998