The Final Goodbye

February 21, 1963-October 29, 2016

After a loved one dies, there are certain steps to be taken. In my case, cremation came first, followed by a memorial and today will be the burial. I woke up early thinking of my son. The love that I had for my son, who I watched grow into a man, is something he will always have. Today, his urn with his remains, will be put into a grave at Mt. Olivet Catholic Cemetery, a priest will say a few words and I will watch the small vault be lowered into the ground. I know his soul is in a better place, yet the final goodbye is difficult.

Inside the vault along with the urn will be small mementos that we all put in for him so that he could be surrounded by our love. A picture of his sister's family, a photo he liked with his children at Estes Park, a cup with Andy written on the side, a blanket (one year every member of my family received one for Christmas), a video of Tombstone which he liked, a wooden soccer ball, and since he loved vacations in Puerto Vallarta a magnet and a tiny frog with a soccer ball from PV, a guitar bottle opener that on one of my trips to California I had purchased for him because he was taking guitar lessons, a picture of his Dad and Mary Ann, and because he loved seeing his son play the drums a couple of drumsticks. Maybe today, more things will be added but I do know he is taking many reminders of the love he has left behind.

The weather has been way below freezing for the past two days, but today the sun is shining and even though it is around thirty-eight degrees it feels warm. We followed a white pickup truck leading us to the plot where my son would be laid to rest. We got out of the car and trudged through snow to where there was a green artificial carpet laid out with six chairs. A small table held the vault.  A letter from his father was placed in the vault and Fr. Jacob read prayers for the burial. He sprinkled the urn, the vault and the hole with holy water. We all held hands and prayed the Our Father and the Hail Mary. I could not say the Hail Mary because I knew Our Blessed Mother had lost her son just as I had lost mine. Seeing her son suffer was so much more difficult than seeing my son go to his final  sleep in the hospital. I cried for her as well as for myself.

Through my tears I said,  "Now my son is next to my mother, father, and brother. Next to him is my uncle who was the oldest of the siblings in my mother's family. My mother was the baby of the family and they died within a month of each other. Brother and sister ended up next to each other in the cemetery." Somehow it is comforting that my son is near my family at the cemetery.

We all went to our cars, lots of hugging, and kind words spoken. We decided to meet at the Tea

Gardens in Arvada for lunch. What  wonderful friends conversing around the table and enjoying good Chinese food. After lunch, another round of hugs, and we all went our separate ways. I felt a moment of sadness when I left my son's father at his home because I knew it must be difficult for him to enter his empty house. I came home to write my blog.

Even though it was a final goodbye,

my son will forever live in my heart.

December 10, 2016

A quick run to his grave today

where two white flowers I did lay.

I knew they might get blown away

so there I stood and I did pray,

before it's time for me to head this way

I want to enjoy every minute of every day.