My Secret Battle

This battle I brought onto myself. It is a battle I fight daily. I made a huge mistake when I went shopping at Costco. I happened to see a large container of  Dark Chocolate Sea Salt Caramels. Because I try to watch my weight and because I have been told I am diabetic, my brain told me not to buy the container. My taste buds, part of my brain and stomach urged me to buy it. Two one inch squares have 21 carbohydrates. I did not read the sugar or fat content on the label because what I don't know can't hurt me, or can it? I figured if I ate one square that would be 10.5 carbs. My body could surely handle that amount of  carbs.

It seems that my whole life I have battled sweets. I am like an alcoholic and if I eat a small piece I have to continue eating, sometimes until I feel ill. Once I remember eating a whole lemon merengue pie in a day. This container of chocolates, which I should have never purchased, has become a temptation for me but I do not have the courage to throw it out; which is what I should do.The battle comes when I eat one square and before the gooey caramel disappears from my mouth, I find myself wanting another square. I may find myself arguing with myself for hours. Some days I eat two squares while others days I won't have any but think about the candy all day long. I get the container, open it, smell the dark chocolate and put the lid back on. That's on a good day. I know I never should have purchased that container. If I am in a religious mood, I offer my suffering up to God. After all, it is Lent and I used to give up chocolate for Lent so why not now? Other days I eat one square. Somedays I eat two squares, and my reasoning is that the more I eat the faster the temptation will disappear! Some days I won't touch the container. Yet, being in isolation and having that delicious candy in the house is a BIG temptation!

I know that I am just fooling myself and probably in denial but I will continue doing battle and some days I win the argument and other days I fail miserably.

"I love dark chocolate,

I could eat it 'til I puke."

Behati Prinsloo