"Looking for Mary"

I finished reading the book titled, Looking for Mary by Beverly Donofrio and my thought was, I could have written this story. Many of the author's thoughts and actions I had struggled with and experienced some of her tales.  I had also traveled to different countries trying to find some meaning to my religion. My travels weren't all searching for something because many were just for the sheer pleasure of seeing new and different things. Yet, it seemed as if my whole life has been trying to find out more about my religion. I have always felt as if I am on the outside, looking through a window, at other Catholics and their actions. I do not feel quite as holy as many I observe through that window! Somehow, I never seem to fit in at 100%. Of course, some times, depending on my mood or a blessing from the Holy Spirit, I have a revelation and feel close to God and the Blessed Mother. Yet, the feeling does not last long and once again I find myself searching.

While in Mexico I saw and felt the closeness of Our Blessed Mother and the people.  The celebration for Our Lady is held on the 12th of December but begins much earlier. About one week before the actual day the altars around Our Lady of Guadalupe are decorated with flowers. People gather every morning to pray the rosary and the churches are filled as if it were a Sunday. One morning, "I heard a faint tinkle of a bell that woke me up one morning. I opened the window and saw two men passing beneath the window. It was only about 4:30 in the morning and still dark though the street lights glowed weakly. One carried a lantern while the other man struck a metal triangle sending out the gentle sound of a bell. Who were these men and where were they going, I wondered."

Returning to bed I slept for a couple of hours and then got up. My first question was to find out about what I had seen that morning. I was told that the men gently wake up the people to remind them of the Novena that begins to Our Lady. I walked to the church and found it full of people praying and singing. What a joyous occasion. How I wished I could feel the happiness I was seeing all around me!

The next morning, when I heard the tinkling of the bell, I got up and opened the front door. Many people were coming down the cobble stone street, some with candles and all with rosaries dangling from their hands. I joined the people, entered the church and for the first time I felt as if I belonged and joined in the prayers and singing. Our Lady of Guadalupe must have been so happy to see the congregation praising her! This went on for about nine days and on the 12th, the actual feast day, a Mariachi band played heart-felt music to our Lady. The smell of roses filled the church. Murmuring of people praying could be heard, each person quietly giving thanks, asking for help, and praising Our Lady of Guadalupe, Our Mother. Hot chocolate awaited those leaving the service and the sweet smell of cinnamon filled the air in courtyard of the church.

I have tried to feel what I felt in Mexico by visiting the Marian Shrines in Portugal and France and once again marveled at the devotion of many people. I've returned to Mexico a few times on December 12, yet have not felt the closeness I felt the first time I encountered Her. When my son passed away, I felt Our Mother's pain when she saw her son crucified. Maybe that is why I have been able to handle losing my son because he just closed his eyes and was gone, while the Blessed Mother had to see her son beaten, tortured and crucified.

Yes, I enjoyed reading Looking for Mary and since I thought most Catholic women would feel the same way, I was surprised at our book club that no one identified with the character Beverly. Maybe because they had already found Mary or maybe because they weren't looking!